He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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