so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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