I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
