he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
