in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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