the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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