I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i've created a new STD.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
