oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
