I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
