How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
