ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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