SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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