I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
