Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
