If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
