Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
