I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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