I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
