I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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