I think im going to throw up on grandma
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
