please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
