I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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