P.S. I can't hear my feet
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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