I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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