The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
