Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
