I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
