my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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