Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
