How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
