Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
