he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
