I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
