he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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