Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
