all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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