What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sorry my hands just texted you
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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