i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
