We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
