I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
