so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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