I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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