literally had 100 drinks last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
