She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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