You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
