I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
