i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
