Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
