i already hear my dad disowning me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
