I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
