I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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