It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
