Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
should my penis look like a turkey
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
