So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
