Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
