Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think a kid would responsible me up
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
