yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
