Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
