is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
