i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
