Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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