i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
