theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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