Since when is my name a synonym for head?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize