So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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