Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
