Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
