Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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