I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
