Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Your penis caused this!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
