Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
