So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
