we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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