if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize