The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You're like the curious george of whores
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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